and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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