My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
