the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The Olympian is in my bed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
