I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
