I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
