he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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