I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
