he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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