What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
