weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
