just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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