So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
