Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
