ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
we're so committed to being not committed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
