i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
