your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
