Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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