we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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