Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
