He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
