dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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