I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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