.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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