your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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