hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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