Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
