There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
