I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
