i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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