So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
