i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
