Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
