This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
