you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
