apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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