Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
