At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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