I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm at about main and main street
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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