do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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