If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
