No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
