Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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