Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize