I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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