WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
