I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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