Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
