I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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