belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
