if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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