Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
