the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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