CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
