My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
