My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
