Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
