i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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