I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish I only lived at night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
