She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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