Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
