We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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