i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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