it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize