im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
