He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
