I only kidnapped one of them. chill
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
