i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
