Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
