He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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