As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
