i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
