I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I stole a fireplace last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
