i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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