Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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