I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
