went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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