I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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