Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
