Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
