His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
