sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
