if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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