its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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