u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
