Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
