the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
