Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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