please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
