Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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