I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize