every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
