You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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