you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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