She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
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