If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize