Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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