I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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