She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
