The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
