omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
