If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
